


ain't tappin' out (see me comin' for more)

by stardustnightmares



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Boxer Bucky, Boxer Steve Rogers, M/M, Past Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson, Sweet Bucky Barnes, boxer sam wilson, bucky doesn't know how to read social cues, bucky has had an awful childhood, but only because thet love sam and want to protect him, but there will be angst, he has a big role but the main protagonists are steve and bucky, summary is a work in progress, the oter avengers are asshols towards bucky, this is not sam centric btw, underground boxing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:27:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27508333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustnightmares/pseuds/stardustnightmares
Summary: Steve had left New York looking for adventure and freedom, he hadn't expected to meet the person who would steal his heart, the person who would make him fall completely and utterly in love.One year later he's going back to New York with James, excited for him to meet his best friends, his family (who have no idea of his existence. Surprise!?)After they broke up and Steve had left to travel the world, Sam had firmly belived that once reunited the two of them would've rekindled their relationship and gotten back together, so imagine his surprise when Steve comes back with a new boyfriend on his arm.James just wants to be happy and free from his past (and maybe even make some friends along the way), he didn't think it was going to hurt this much.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	ain't tappin' out (see me comin' for more)

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment and if you don't feel comfortable doing that kudos are appriciated. I would love a beta if anyone is interested.

He was about to see Steve again, after 13 months of being apart, Sam was finally going to be able to see Steve's face again, to feel his body heat engulfing him and his callous hands on his skin.

The last time Sam had seen him in person Steve was leaving him.

He could still remember his soft lips kissing him, his callous hand cupping his face, thumb softly stroking his cheek. He could still remember his soft blue eyes, looking at him sadly. (He swore he could still see love in them, but maybe he was just seeing what he wanted to see). He could still remember his strong arms squeezing him tight, as if he was scared Sam would leave. But Sam wasn’t the one leaving, Steve was.

One day out of the blue he had asked Sam if he was feeling it too. If he was feeling their love slipping away. Not their platonic love, he had said, he would always love Sam, that wouldn’t and couldn't fade, he had assured him, but their romantic love. He had said that they felt distant, that there wasn’t the same passion, the same coziness, the same love that there was before. He had said that he felt like their love had faded away and that he felt like now there was nothing but friendship and companionship between them.

Sam had wanted to cry. He had wanted to shake him and ask him what the hell he was talking about, because no, that was nowhere near how Sam was feeling. Because everytime he looked at Steve he could still feel his heart swell, everytime he looked at Steve he felt like smiling, everytime Steve complimented him he would swoon. Because he loved him the same way that he had loved him for the past three years, because he wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. Not as friends, but as lovers, one day even husbands.

But he had been a coward, he had said none of that because it felt stupid, what could Steve even reply to that when he had made it very clear that he didn’t feel that way towards Sam anymore, that he didn’t love him anymore. That for him their love was nothing but a fond memory of the past, that he felt disconnected from Sam.

So he lied, he told Steve that he felt like that too, that he still loved him but, as he had said, it just wasn’t that type of love anymore, that there wasn’t the comfort nor the passion that they had previously shared. And while saying all of those things, hidden in his pockets, his hands were shaking, his eyes were wet, but he wouldn’t let those tears fall, (not while Steve was still there) and he could feel his chest aching like it had never before, not even when he had broken two of his ribs during a match.

A month later they found themselves at the airport, ready for Steve to depart. He needed a new adventure, he had said. He needed to do something new and different, to depart from the monotony of his life, to feel alive again. (Sam had tried not to take it personally. Sam had also failed to not take it personally. Was that really how Steve felt about their life together? Was it really nothing more than boring and monotonous? How dull must their life have been when their jobs was to beat up and be beaten up by people and Steve could still refer to it as monotonous).

He had wanted to beg Steve to stay with him. He had wanted to tell him that they could work on it, go to a specialist maybe. They could try to spend more time together doing a lot of fun different things. Maybe Sam could leave with him, they could travel together, go on fun adventurers together to rekindle their relationship, to light their fire up again. In that moment he would’ve done absolutely anything as long as it was done with Steve. As long as they were together.

He hadn’t said any of that of course, maybe because of his pride, because he didn’t want to seem pathetic and desperate, begging Steve to love him again even when it was clear that Steve didn’t; maybe because he had been too scared of rejection, too scared of looking at Steve face and seeing nothing but pity, voice filled with sympathy while he told him that no, he didn’t want Sam to go with him, he didn’t want to rekindle their relationship. 

He had simply watched Steve walk away, away from him, away from his life, away from his love, and the worst part was that Steve had looked genuinely happy and excited for his new adventure, for the new part of his life that he didn’t have to share with Sam. Or maybe the worst part was the smile that Sam had to fake, the laugh that he had to force out of his throat, the jokes and the wishes that he had told Steve. “I hope you find what you are looking for” he had lied, because that was the opposite of what he wanted. He wanted Steve to realise that what he was looking for had always been by side in New York and that there was nothing for him out there. He wished Steve would miss him every day and night, he wanted Steve to realise that he wanted Sam there by his side because there was nothing and no one in the world that could make him happier, that could take his place. He wanted Steve to regret ever leaving New York, ever leaving him behind.

Instead of saying all of those things he had just wished him all of the happiness in world, with a big smile brightening his face and as soon as Steve had been out of sight he had crumbled on the bench, his body shaking, tears streaming down his face, eyes burning and feeling as if he couldn’t breath, as if all of the oxygen had been sucked out of the world and there was nothing for him to breath. Natsha and Clint had immediately been by his side, hugging him and rubbing his back, trying to comfort him even though they knew it was impossible.

It had reminded him of the night Steve had broken up with him (not that Steve would ever call it that, in his eyes it was a mutual agreement and Sam knew it was his own goddamn fault for making him believe that). When he had finally gotten to Natasha’s place that night his face had been dry and when he had sat on her couch and told her what had happened there had been no emotion in his voice, his face blanck, as if he were a robot relaying the information, as if his heart hadn’t just been broken into a million little pieces, as if he didn’t feel like it could never be put together again. When he was done she had given him a drink and started talking to him but ten minutes later he was still staring blankly at the wall, drink in his hand, in the same position he had been in before. That’s probably when she had realized that she needed reinforcements and decided to call Tony, Bruce and Clint, hoping that at least one of them could help. They had spent the night huddled together on the living room floor, his friends doing everything in their power to comfort him, from gentle touches and enthusiastic hugs to sweet and comforting words. “Steve isn’t even that great, you can totally find someone better than him” Tony had said. “Yeah, plus he’s an idiot if he can’t see how absolutely wonderful you are” added Clint. They even tried the classic “let’s trash talk the ex” strategy, which always seemed to work, but sadly there wasn’t really much to say. Steve had always been an awesome friend and an even better boyfriend: he was caring and loving, attentive, he never missed a birthday or an anniversary and always planned something thoughtful and gifted him something special. They couldn’t even be mad him for breaking up with Sam because he was their friend too, and they understood his point of view: Steve had simply believed that the relationship had fizzled out, that Sam felt that way about the relationship too and that it was better if they simply stayed friends, he believed it to be a mutual decision taken by two people who still loved each other but who also weren’t in love anymore. 

“Don’t tell him” he had begged them. He never wanted Steve to be hurt too and he knew that Steve would be crushed by the knowledge that he had deeply hurt Sam. In truth he also didn’t want things between him and Steve to be awkward, he didn’t want Steve to hold back, to tiptoe around him, afraid of hurting his feelings again.

After having said goodbye to Steve, after having cried his eyes out on a bench at the airport, Sam had gone home. Natasha and Clint had asked him if he wanted them to come alone, they had told him that it was no problem, that they could cuddle on the sofa and watch a movie while eating ice cream, but he had said no. He had told them that he just wanted to go home and sleep for a few hours so that he wouldn’t have to think about anything. 

He had lied, again.

It had become a habit it seemed. He instead spent the whole afternoon and evening looking at old pictures of him and Steve. He spent at least an hour looking at one picture in particular. In said picture Steve looked radiant: his smile was bright and big and joyful and he looked absolutely breathtaking, but the best part was that that smile was directed at Sam, as if he were the only thing that mattered, the only thing worth looking at. As if he was the sole reason why Steve Rogers would be happy and smile so brightly. And now Sam wasn’t that person anymore. He would never be that person again, the one that made Steve’s smile. He kew it was dumb to think like that,that he was being dramatic, he knew that Steve would be back, he knew that Steve would always love him and would always smile and laugh with him, that Steve still believed Sam to be not only one of his best friends but also his family. He knew that they weren’t done, not completely, but he also knew that their break up implied that Steve would one day find another lover, that he would one day find someone else to love, someone that wasn’t Sam, and that meant that Sam would be replaced, that someone else would be the sole reason for Steve’s brightest smile, for Steve’s happiness.

Since their breakup, Sam knew he had become a really good liar, the worst part however was that he hadn't realised that he had become really good at lying to himself too. So even in his darkest moments, even when he couldn’t help but think about Steve kissing someone else, touching someone else, having sex with someone else while he was away, a part of him was sure that Steve would come back to him, that after having had his fun and thrilling adventure, when Steve would come back to New York, they would rekindle their love.

And because of that, 13 months, 2 weeks and 4 days after Steve's departure, Sam was still holding on, sure, he had gone on dates throughout the year, he even had a 2 months relationship, but a part of him was still dreaming of Steve and what he would say when they finally reunited and all of the different ways in which they could get get back together: would it happen by chance during a movie night when they couldn’t help but feel like two magnets drawn to each other? Would they accidentally kiss while drunk and later realise that they actually meant it and that it wasn’t just a drunken mistake? Would they be forced to kiss under the mistletoe only to then realise midway through the kiss that they actually wanted to kiss each other? Or maybe Steve would tell him how much he had missed him and ask him if he had missed him, if he too felt like something was missing from his life when they weren't together? The last one seemed the most fitting in Sam’s eyes, poetic almost. A reflection of their break up but distorted, because this time Sam wouldn’t be lying in telling Steve that he felt the exact same way. Because this time it wouldn’t hurt, it wouldn’t feel like his world had been ripped apart.

But when he saw Steve crossing the airport he knew in an instant that there wasn’t going to be a movie worthy reunion where Steve emptied his heart revealing to Sam his love for him, he knew they wouldn’t kiss under the mistletoe or in an alley behind a bar because Steve wasn’t walking towards them alone: at his arm there was a petite but muscular man, long brown hair put in a ponytail, his head resting on Steve’s shoulder while he looked up up at Steve’s face who in turn was looking back at him, a bright smile painting his face. And with horror Sam realised that it did feel like a scene in a movie, a lovely and heartwarming scene where the sun is only shining on the happy couple and where you can hear them laughing while they lovingly stare at each other as if nothing else in the world matters. 

Sam hated this fucking movie.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm an impatient son of a bitch, I told myself I was going to wait until I had had least written 4 chapters before posting. I have not waited. So I don't know how freqent updates will be.  
> This story is NOT a samsteve story, stevebucky is endgame, we get some other points of view, especially sam's, but the main ones are stevebucky.
> 
> This story will mainly take place in the present day (november 2020, but like, AU no covid) and the year Steve and bucky met and fell in love but there will also be some flashbacks to steve and sam relationship in the past.  
> Also, I don't know why but latley the name Bucky irritates me so everyone calls him james expect Steve who either uses (self indulgent) pet names or Jamie.  
> Also, I LOVE Sam, so do not worry too much, I will make him heal. I love hurting characters that I love. (so you should also expect hurt!bucky as well). Spoilers but there will be a happy ending, I don't like when everything is sad and it aslo ends sadly, what's the point in that? Nah man, that ain't the way to live your life.
> 
> english is not my first language, so if you spot spelling or grammar errors i'm giving you permission to let me know so that I can do better.


End file.
